A Southern Fried Mess

Insanity is a southern necessity…

Couldn’t be…could it?

The other morning I had a dream. It was nice. In this dream I was holding a tiny, fuzzy little kitten to my chest, cupped safely in my hands so as not to fall. The squirming critter made little cat noises as I stroked it on it’s head. Did I mention that it was nice—the dream that is?

The kitten, however, got a little more ‘squirmy’ and began trying to climb out of my arms and onto my shoulders—as cats do. But I held it in place against my chest and continued to pet it.

Now, somewhere deep in my subconscious brain I knew this couldn’t be happening. The cat wasn’t real and neither were the sounds it was making. It was just a dream. Analyzing further, all the while still petting the cat (in my dream), my genius brain has determined that he ( the cat) is actually the down covers that I’ve cupped into a tiny ball and that the sounds are of my husband snoring. Are you with me so far?

SUBCONSCIOUS: “But wait….my husband doesn’t make kitten sounds when he snores. It’s more like a freight train making it’s way through a tornado more so than anything else.”

ME: Maybe it’s his alarm clock going off or one of the kids radios playing. This is such a cute kitten.”

SUBCONSCIOUS: “Yes I know it’s a cute kitten, but the sound it’s making can’t be the alarm clock. The clock sounds like a fog horn when it goes off. And as far as the kids radio being the suspect, you turned all of them off before you went to bed. The kitten is not real.”

ME: ” Yes I know; we’ve already established that fact. But the sound it’s making sure does seem real to me. I mean I can hear it with my real ears, not just the ones in my dream. There, it did it again. Now tell me that wasn’t real…”

About this time in my conversation with myself, I stopped the petting of the kitten(in my dream) and let it go. It ( the kitten, not my subconscious) scampered up the front of my shirt and over my shoulder.

ME: “Wow! that felt real. I even felt its hair brush against my neck and it’s paws with their tiny claws (ha, ha, I just made a rhyme…) on my shirt.”

SUBCONSCIOUS: ” So did I …”

I’m now wide awake and sitting up in bed, staring at my pillow. I grabbed it and flipped into the air, karate chopping it, to see if anything would jump out. Nothing. I felt around in my hair ( things are always getting stuck in that mess of mine). Nothing. Up went the covers next…nothing. I then checked the floor and under the bed and still found nothing. The only thing i did find was my husband, asleep.

So after re-fluffing my pillow, I dozed back off to sleep albeit reluctantly as I was still miffed about the dream. Later that morning when both me and hubby were drinking coffee, I told him of my dream. A wide smile exploded across his face.

“What? What’s so funny?” I asked, confused.

” The other morning when I was getting ready for work,” he began stifling a bit of laughter, ” a mouse darted across the closet floor.”

“Are you kidding? Why didn’t you say something?” I asked horrified as I quickly climbed up onto the nearest chair —not that I’m scared of mice or anything. It’s just the cootie factor that gets me.

” Maybe it was the mouse you were holding.”

He drank the last sip of his coffee and left the room, laughing out loud as he went. His comment left me wondering.

EWEUHHHHH, YUCK!!! It couldn’t have been the mouse, could it?”

Who knows? But what I do know is this: I’m heading to the nearest store for some mouse traps.

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June 16, 2008 - Posted by | family, humor, life, Uncategorized | , ,

4 Comments »

  1. OMG! I have had dreams like that. Never with a mouse (WOW I bet you were holding the mouse) but just the other day I “dreamt” some vivid, tiny little person was crawling on my arm. The next morning I saw the biggest spider in the corner of the ceiling. Ugh ugh ugh

    Comment by maleesha | June 18, 2008 | Reply

  2. I can barely type this b/c I’m laughing so hard. So gross! I can only imagine what the mouse is thinking this whole time. Could have been a lot worse, like maleesha referred to, it could have been a spider. That thought makes me dry heave.

    Comment by bluesuit12 | June 24, 2008 | Reply

  3. maleesha…thanks for dropping by. Spiders crawling on me while sleeping??? eeewh! I think I would have freaked out more than I did with the mouse. That spider would have had a date with the bottom of the nearest available shoe!

    Blue….the score is: mouse 3, scottie 0. Do you know the very next day that bugger ran between my feet when I went to wake up my son? And if that wasn’t bad enough I stepped on his rear end going up the stairs at 5am the following morning. Honey, I jumped four steps up and woke up the entire house with my scream. Apparently the glue traps aren’t working ( and neither are the cats for that matter).

    Comment by Scottie | June 24, 2008 | Reply

  4. No, I guess those things aren’t working at all. And what a brave little mouse to come out so often. Last week I spotted a spider on my kitchen wall. It wasn’t monsterous but big enough and gross. I got a shoe and tried to kill it but I was practically paralized. It was so close to the ceiling I couldn’t really get a good angle on it. And I was semi-standing (mostly hunched) on top of the counter. The thing hopped and fell into a crevace on top of the cabinets. There was no way I could reach it and since I had almost fallen off the counter when the damn thing jumped I figured it could just stay there and rot. Well yesterday I went to wash my plate in the sink and wouldn’t you know that thing was in there staring at me with his beady little eyes. I totally yelled and jumped back nearly dropping my plate. That was it! I got my flip flop and smashed that sucker beyond the point of death so as to insure it would not regenerate, and then sent it down the disposal. Good luck with the mouse!

    Thanks…Oh, I did manage to catch the cat in one of the glue traps, does this count for anything?

    Comment by bluesuit12 | June 25, 2008 | Reply


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