A Southern Fried Mess

Insanity is a southern necessity…

Stupid Monday morning

I lost my shoe. It’s hanging in the tree out back, fifteen feet up in the air. How did it get there? I threw it there. Actually, I threw it at the neighbor’s cat that was chasing my daughter’s cat, only I missed. Now I’m limping around in the wet grass below with one shoe one and one shoe off. Stupid cat. Stupid shoe.

The moon is still out, the roosters haven’t even begun crowing yet, and the rest of the world is still sleeping. If you ask me there is something wrong about having to wake up in the morning when the moon is still out.  The neighbors must think I’m nuts. I think I’m nuts. Stupid alarm clock. Stupid school bus.

Garfield, that’s the neighbor’s cat, is mocking me. He knows I can’t reach him. Hmmm… I know; the pellet gun can reach him. There’s only one problem: I don’t know how to load the dumb thing. Rats! I guess I should have taken more of an interest in my son’s hobby. Maybe I will just throw the gun at him followed by a few pellets too for good measure. But if I get it stuck in the tree, my son will be mad. Better not do that. Stupid gun. Stupid hobby.

Oh look, here comes the cat down out of the tree. “Here kitty, kitty; come to the nice neighbor lady with one shoe on. I promise to only throw you over the fence by your tail this time instead of letting the dogs chase you. Come on; just a little bit further…” I can almost reach him. Let me just put down the pellet gun so I can free up both hands and… Hey; where did he go? DOH!! I just had to look away for a second, didn’t I? Stupid cat. Stupid me.

I wonder where my shoe is. I like these shoes; they’re comfortable even if they have holes in them and are a bit ratty looking. I guess I will look for it later. The wind is blowing a bit, maybe it will knock my shoe down for me. Or maybe my daughter’s cat falling out of the tree will free it up.

I suppose I should stand underneath it and try to catch it in case it falls—the cat that is not the shoe. I don’t feel like trying to explain to my daughter how her cat fell out of the tree and killed itself. It’s too early in the morning for that. I can, however, only imagine how nice it would be to sleep in at this time of the morning instead of chasing cats and throwing shoes at trees. But then again I wouldn’t be Scottie if i did that, now would I be?

My daughter’s cat is now out of the tree and safely on the ground all in one piece. I guess I will go make breakfast seeing as how all the excitement is over. First, I had better check to make sure the cat is okay and not hurt anywhere. Ouch!! The dumb animal just scratched me. Now it’s hissing at me. Can you believe this? I don’t need this; i don’t deserve this. Stupid cat. Stupid Monday morning.

I need some coffee……..

April 28, 2008 - Posted by | family, fitness, kids, life, Uncategorized | , , , ,


  1. Your son will gladly show you how to load it. You can practice shooting at the shoe…whats a couple more holes in them gonna hurt?

    Comment by morethananelectrician | April 28, 2008 | Reply

  2. I was just thinking that! 🙂

    Comment by Scottie | April 28, 2008 | Reply

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