Reality’s slap in the face
WARNING: The below message contains no sarcasm, humor, or for that matter anything funny. If you were looking for such, I suggest you turn back now because all you will find below is gloom…..and I don’t care to be the one who ruins your day.~~Scottie
I started this blog to show the funny side of life in a large family. And for the most part I think I’ve done that. But I’m afraid today is a bit different. It’s not one of those ‘hey, if you can’t laugh at life’s punches then what’s the point’ days.
My eyes sting from crying and my head hurts from thinking. This fake smile I’m wearing for the kids’ sake is hurting my face and if I have to eat anymore humble pie, I’m gonna throw up. I’m tired and weary…
Why does life have to be such a struggle for some and a breeze for others? Don’t get me wrong, I’m thankful for the things I have: my children, my husband, a car that’s paid for and runs (even if i can’t afford to put gas in it), and a roof over my head. But everything else lately is such a struggle to procure. We’ve robbed Peter to pay Paul so much that poor Peter is now standing in the welfare line.
This past week I had to take my daughter to the doctor for stepping on a rusty nail. We didn’t have the money to pay the co-pay, but I wrote the check out anyway– I pray we’ll find the funds somewhere. After just two trips around the house, the riding lawnmower decided to throw a rod and now we have no way to cut the two acres worth of grass our house sits on. Our push mower gave up the ghost last year and no matter how much I take it apart and work on it beat it with a sledge hammer, it still won’t run. We don’t have the money to buy a new mower–push or otherwise. I praying.
My daughter ran out of pull-ups this morning so I went to the store to buy some more. The credit card machine declined my bank card. I asked the cashier if she could try again. She did but rolled her eyes at me in frustration. And if that wasn’t bad enough, another sweet girl tried it for me on her machine.
I knew what the out come would be, but let her try anyway. Only I didn’t know that she was gonna announce to the entire store the reason why it was declined. People starred and judged, but I ignored them all and apologized for the inconvenience I had caused. I then put all the items I had in my cart, back on the shelf. Upon leaving, the ‘well meaning’ cashier called out,” Hope you have a better day and find some money.”
I drove home, found some underwear for the two year old to put on ( I guess I’ll just have to start the potty training early), called my husband to let him know what had transpired at the store between held back sobs, and then made some sandwiches for lunch. Afterwards, while the kids were finishing up, i went into the closet and cried.
So here I am…..
I know that there are people who are worse off than me/us. And I used to tease my husband that he didn’t know how to be poor if he had to be. But the truth is: it isn’t him that has the issue with being poor, It’s me. I’ve been there and done it and I don’t care to go back..not without a fight. It doesn’t bring out the best in me.
I’m praying. God hasn’t let me down yet and I don’t think he’ll start now. I just need to rest in his arms a bit longer this time. With his help, I’ll find the strength to face another day; we’ve all had hard times. I also know he will provide for us for the rest of the week until payday. I know he will. Somehow I will find the courage to go back into that grocery store and face all those ‘well meaning’ folks again too.
So if you see a person today who looks a bet stressed or down or who is taking longer at the check out line than normal, be patient with and maybe offer up a smile for them(and me). We could use the encouragement and promise to be ourselves tomorrow.