Did you Know?
That I once auditioned for a TV commercial? Well, not actually auditioned for one per say as in go out to a studio or something and say lines. It was more like a phone call placed at 9:00 a.m. while drinking my morning coffee, dressed in a bathrobe kind of thing.
Quaker Oats had placed an ad in the local newspaper, looking for large families to be in one of their ads. More so for fun than anything else, I called them up. The lady on the other line was very friendly as she began inquiring of the necessary information.
“How many kids do you have? ”
“Five,” I proudly told her.
“Oh,” she replied flatly.
Funny; all the PTA moms at my kids’ school think I have too many children, and I thought I had just the right number. Yet, this woman gave me the impression that five wasn’t enough for the world of Hollywood commercials.
“How many more do you need?” I asked her. ” I could borrow the neighbor’s kids and a few cousins if need be. After all, they spend more time at my house than they do their own.”
That was a no-go. Then she asked if we possessed any kind of special talents. “Special talents?”I asked. “Like what? Does being able to pinch someone with your toes or blowing milk through your eye sockets count?”
“No; that’s not quite what we had in mind. Something more along the lines of sports related or musical abilities.”
“Well, my oldest son can burp the alphabet and my youngest can create the tune of Mary had a little lamp with his arm pit. Oh, did I mention that my oldest daughter can bend her legs up around her head and walk on her hands and that the baby can eat more cat food than the cat can in one sitting?” Just as I had suspected. That was not quite what she was looking for.
Finally, she asked me one more question. “Do you do stand up, ma’am?” Apparently, she thought I wasn’t taking the interview very seriously. In my opinion, she has never been around real kids before.
Needless to say, we didn’t get the spot. Our fifteen seconds of fame never happened. We weren’t Americana enough for her or the product’s big wigs. By the way, not once during the interview did she ever ask if we actually ate the product. Strange.
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