Field Trips out the Whazoo

Well the field trip yesterday with my daughter went great. I was actually able to find a parking spot downtown on the  street and avoid paying the parking fee of $5 for two hours in one of the lots. Which was great because the  field trip lasted longer than expected and I didn’t have any extra cash on me.

The kids had a great time running a playing and exploring the different stuff. Plus we didn’t loose any of them when it came time to leave. I’m sure the parents were happy about that.

My son’s trip last week was also a fun time for all. A little too much fun actually. We went to a strawberry farm.  And as usual, along with my child, I had picked up a few strays along the way. It seems that I’m the designated mother hen to the kids who’s parents couldn’t come or the kids who are a bit ‘odd’ and drive the teacher and other kids nuts. Which is fine with me seeing as how I’m a bit ‘odd’ myself.

Anyway, everything was going fine until I decided to throw something into the trash. You see there was this big, juicy but very rotten strawberry on the ground in front of me. Well I scouted the area for a trash can and found one behind me a few feet away. So I picked up the berry then turned to toss it into the bin. Well there happened to be a lady behind me (who came out of nowhere—I swear) and SMACK! I hit her with the berry. EVERYBODY gasped. Oh, did I mention that the lady was tattoo ladened and sported several body piercings?  She looked as if she could throw me to the ground, snap my spine in half, and do it all before I blinked.

I began apologizing profusely like a woman on death row. About that time one of the kids I was watching shouted out, ” OOOHHH; You broke the rules!”  He was right. We weren’t supposed to throw the berries and I had done so.

The lady was cool about the whole thing  and promised not to kill me. I still kept a watchful eye out just in case she changed her mind. I behaved myself from there on out and the rest of the morning went off without a hitch.  Then came lunch time.  But for the sake of time, I won’t tell that end of the story. Let’s just say that when the trip was over, half of the kiddies were soaking wet and the moms and some of the teachers were very angry at a few of us chaperones. I guess we shouldn’t have let them play in the water park after all………….

Stupid Monday morning

I lost my shoe. It’s hanging in the tree out back, fifteen feet up in the air. How did it get there? I threw it there. Actually, I threw it at the neighbor’s cat that was chasing my daughter’s cat, only I missed. Now I’m limping around in the wet grass below with one shoe one and one shoe off. Stupid cat. Stupid shoe.

The moon is still out, the roosters haven’t even begun crowing yet, and the rest of the world is still sleeping. If you ask me there is something wrong about having to wake up in the morning when the moon is still out.  The neighbors must think I’m nuts. I think I’m nuts. Stupid alarm clock. Stupid school bus.

Garfield, that’s the neighbor’s cat, is mocking me. He knows I can’t reach him. Hmmm… I know; the pellet gun can reach him. There’s only one problem: I don’t know how to load the dumb thing. Rats! I guess I should have taken more of an interest in my son’s hobby. Maybe I will just throw the gun at him followed by a few pellets too for good measure. But if I get it stuck in the tree, my son will be mad. Better not do that. Stupid gun. Stupid hobby.

Oh look, here comes the cat down out of the tree. “Here kitty, kitty; come to the nice neighbor lady with one shoe on. I promise to only throw you over the fence by your tail this time instead of letting the dogs chase you. Come on; just a little bit further…” I can almost reach him. Let me just put down the pellet gun so I can free up both hands and… Hey; where did he go? DOH!! I just had to look away for a second, didn’t I? Stupid cat. Stupid me.

I wonder where my shoe is. I like these shoes; they’re comfortable even if they have holes in them and are a bit ratty looking. I guess I will look for it later. The wind is blowing a bit, maybe it will knock my shoe down for me. Or maybe my daughter’s cat falling out of the tree will free it up.

I suppose I should stand underneath it and try to catch it in case it falls—the cat that is not the shoe. I don’t feel like trying to explain to my daughter how her cat fell out of the tree and killed itself. It’s too early in the morning for that. I can, however, only imagine how nice it would be to sleep in at this time of the morning instead of chasing cats and throwing shoes at trees. But then again I wouldn’t be Scottie if i did that, now would I be?

My daughter’s cat is now out of the tree and safely on the ground all in one piece. I guess I will go make breakfast seeing as how all the excitement is over. First, I had better check to make sure the cat is okay and not hurt anywhere. Ouch!! The dumb animal just scratched me. Now it’s hissing at me. Can you believe this? I don’t need this; i don’t deserve this. Stupid cat. Stupid Monday morning.

I need some coffee……..